


Forget-me-not

by suckerfordeansfreckles



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Feels, Dean Misses Castiel, Dean Winchester Realizes His Feelings For Castiel, DeanCas - Freeform, Destiel - Freeform, Emotionally Hurt Castiel, Emotionally Repressed, Fallen Angel Castiel (Supernatural), First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Human Castiel, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Pining Dean Winchester, Separations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-02-13
Packaged: 2018-09-24 04:20:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9700733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suckerfordeansfreckles/pseuds/suckerfordeansfreckles
Summary: Dean hasn't seen Cas in five weeks. He found himself more and more often wandering around the bunker and thinking about his best friend, missing him so much that it felt like physical pain.He couldn't continue living without his angel, so he gave in to his feelings and dicided to get Cas back.





	

Once again, Dean was wandering around the bunker without a real destination. His thoughts were clouded by images of Castiel, his best friend, his little angel. He started counting the days that have gone by without Cas, even though he had done that only a few minutes ago, because he couldn’t accept that he hadn’t seen his angel in over five weeks. 

 

Five weeks since Cas has lost his grace and became human. Five weeks since Dean had to push away all his feelings towards his friend and tell him to leave the bunker. The hunter had to send Cas away, for the sake of his angels’ safety. Dean’s and his brother Sam’s life was too dangerous for the clumsy new human. 

 

Dean was certain that he wouldn’t survive if anything or anyone would hurt Castiel, so he had to leave him. Even if that meant he would hurt the feelings of the only person he loved as much as his brother and he had to leave him in a world he didn’t understand and probably couldn’t really deal with. All alone. 

 

A wave of guilt hit him hard like someone just punched him in the stomach. A punch he definitely deserved, considering all he had done to Cas. He stopped his pacing and found himself standing in the kitchen of the bunker. All he could think about was Cas, standing in front of the gas station he had left him at. His incredibly sad, dark blue eyes looking at Dean who was starting the engine of the Impala to drive away.

 

A sadness took over Dean’s whole body, well-known tears streaming down his face while silent sobs shook him. He had to get out of the bunker to get some fresh air, had to leave before Sam found him in his current emotional state. So he stumbled towards the door and left the bunker and his brother behind to stroll through the woods. With deep breaths he tried to calm his nerves while wiping his sleeve over his tearstained face. 

 

He really tried his best, but he couldn’t stop his thoughts from trailing back to his best friend. His best friend, who he was missing so much. Not being able to see him, not knowing how he was doing, if he even was alive… Dean started crying again, his knees gave in and he fell to the ground. Sitting in the grass and brushing his hands through it, Dean remembered all the personal moments he and Cas had shared. Intimate looks to convey the other one, how they felt about their relationship. 

 

Dean hated himself for being so damn scared of talking about his feelings, for he was completely certain that his feelings for the angel were far from being amicable. He was in love with the man and now he wasn’t even sure if he would be able to ever see him again. The hunter let his eyes wander across the small glade and a deep sigh escaped his lips.

 

That was when he spotted a small flower in the grass. A forget-me-not, all alone in the middle of the glade, exactly in the color of Cas’ eyes. He picked it carefully and held onto it as if it was his only remaining connection to Cas, when a wild determination overcame him. 

 

He suddenly realized that he couldn’t continue his life like that, that he needed Cas and that he had to find him, wherever his friend was. He couldn’t continue leaving Cas alone in this world, alone like the small flower. Dean all but sprinted back to the bunker to grab his car keys and get to the Impala. He didn’t even take time to talk to Sam, he figured that he could call his brother whilst driving to explain his sudden take-off. 

 

That’s what Dean did on his way to the Gas-N-Sip, where he last saw Cas. Luckily, Sammy didn’t question his intentions or his sudden conviction as he already knew that his big brother was heartbroken over the separation from Cas. Sam has always been clever and Dean figured that he presumably also knew about his feelings for Cas.

 

He knew that it probably was a dumb idea to just show up at the gas station and hope that his friend was still there, but it was his only idea on how to track him down. And he was lucky. He found Cas, who has apparently been working at precisely this Gas-N-Sip, mopping the floor and humming along to a song that Dean didn’t recognize. When he approached the former angel and cleared his throat to start talking, Cas turned around to face him. The hunter could see how confusion, disbelief and doubt washed over Castiel’s face. Dean started mumbling something about Sam and himself needing Castiel at the bunker. It was then that he also spotted relief in his angel’s gaze and for a very short moment he thought he even saw something like affection in those dark blue eyes he had been missing for all these weeks. 

 

He couldn’t stop himself from pulling Cas into a tight embrace that felt so incredibly right to him. “I missed you, Cas.”, was all he said and those words were enough to convince the angel to come back to the bunker with him.

 

******************

 

Cas’ return to Dean’s life had been two week ago and the hunter still couldn’t really believe that his best friend was back, living with the two brothers as if he never did anything else. Sam was happy to see the former angel, he immediately talked to him about their last hunt, a nest of vampires, and asked him loads of questions about his time away from them, which Castiel tried to avoid answering.

 

Cas definitely was broken, still hurt from Dean’s dismissive behavior. The two man hardly talked and even Sammy sensed the unspoken tension between them. That’s why Deans little brother tried to cheer both of them up with jokes and non-stop talking, which didn’t really help.

 

Dean constantly tried to show Castiel how glad he was to have him back at the bunker by cooking for him, buying him new clothes, furnishing the bedroom next to his own for the man and doing all the daily tasks in the house like washing all their clothes. He tried to make Cas his first home, as comfortable as possible. But every single attempt to approach him failed miserably. If Castiel entered a room that Dean was currently in, he just turned around and left. He obviously avoided spending time with the other man and all they ever talked about was hunting. The only quite personal sentence that Cas said, not even looking into Dean’s eyes, was: “Thank you for giving me my own room. I like the small blue forget-me-not inside the frame over my bed.”

 

Dean still couldn’t bring up the courage to talk to Cas about his feelings, especially because the other man seemed to be withdrawing himself and his feelings from the hunter. He felt rejected and therefore kept his thoughts to himself, hoping that his friendship with Cas would someday miraculously get back to the way it was seven weeks ago.

 

Even though their relationship seemed to have hit rock-bottom, Dean found himself being slightly more relaxed. He simply felt at ease, knowing that his friend had enough to eat, was fit and- above all- close to him. Regardless of those feelings, the hunter missed spending time with Cas, feeling his presence and their rather rare physical contact.

 

That’s the reason why Dean started secretly taking some of Cas’ clothes to bed to cuddle up with them, being able to smell his best friend’s odor. It reminded him that the former angel really was back with him.

 

*********************

 

Cas woke up panting and shivering. He was soaked with sweat and his heart was racing, which wasn’t really new to him. After the former angel had lost his grace and became human, he started dreaming about all kinds of nice things, which he liked at the beginning. But ever since Dean had left him alone at that gas station for all those weeks, that have honestly felt like years, his dreams started to become more and more gloomy. His nightmares got worse with every day he spent alone, as the hope of Dean coming back to pick him up slowly but surely left. Every night he awoke at least twice, having to calm down his nerves and to force himself back to sleep.

 

But today’s dream has probably been the worst he ever had. He often dreamed about being left by Dean, having to fight against all sorts of things on his own- all alone.  
But today he dreamed about Dean defending him from some angry monster that somehow managed to hurt the hunter very badly. He had to watch Dean bleed, had to watch him taking his last breath and die. And then he was all alone again, but this time he had to deal with the fact that Dean was dead and he would never hear his voice, feel his touch or see his smile again. In his nightmare, his mind went blank and he didn’t feel anything as he clutched to Deans cold, lifeless body.

 

In reality, that was what Castiel was most afraid of- losing Dean. Now that he was human he couldn’t help or heal his friend, he was useless. 

 

He felt himself tearing up, as his shivers continued. He couldn’t go back to sleep, didn’t want to deal with another nightmare of losing Dean forever. He thought about how Dean would maybe be able to help him fight his dark thoughts as the other man had seen so much evil in his life and still was able to sleep normally. He must have a technique to cope with all those bad things and he might show Cas how he did it.

 

Without thinking this through any further, Cas got up, still shaking, and wandered across the corridor towards Dean’s room. He knocked at the other’s door twice, before allowing himself to enter the room quietly. Even though the hunter’s room was pitch-dark, Cas didn’t have problems to orientate himself in the room. He followed Dean’s soft sounds of sleep until his knee hit the edge of the bed, where he simply stood and listened to the quiet breaths for a while. 

 

For a short time he hesitated, not sure if Dean would even care about his problems. He wasn’t ready to talk to his friend about how hard he struggled all those weeks without him, how he only hoped for them to be reunited but how Dean’s rejection had actually hurt him. 

 

He had thought that he could always count on Dean, but as soon as he became useless the other man threw him out and left him all alone. He felt as if he wasn’t wanted, wasn’t needed. He knew that the hunter tried his best to show him that he was welcome at the bunker- but for Cas, that wasn’t enough. He needed Dean to explain to him, why he hadn’t cared about him and how he felt about him now.

 

As Castiel felt a single tear streaming down his face and the fear of being separated from Dean hit him again, he reached down to the bed and let his cold, shivering hand wander around until it found the shoulder of the sleeping man. He carefully shook Dean to wake him up, which immediately worked as Dean all but jumped up into a sitting position. 

 

Cas heard his friend breathing quickly as he turned and grabbed something from his nightstand. Knowing Dean, he was probably searching for a weapon, assuming that someone or something was trying to attack him. The former angel promptly took a step back to get out of Dean’s reach. “Dean, it’s me.”

 

“Cas? Man, what are you doin’ in my bedroom? It’s the middle of the frickin’ night!” Cas heard Dean loudly exhale as he put the object back onto his nightstand.

 

“I… I am very sorry. I assumed you could maybe help me. I really did not plan on disturbing you and especially not on scaring you. I am… It is silly, I am sorry. I will return to my own room and go back-“, he stopped talking as Dean suddenly switched on the small lamp next to his bed.

 

“Cas, if you wanna talk about anything, you know you can always come to me. So tell me, what’s bothering you?”, he looked Cas straight in the eyes and the former angel could see a lot of concern lightening up in Dean’s green eyes.

 

“I was… I had a bad dream.”, Castiel mumbled. “It really is not of importance. You should continue sleeping, I am sorry for waking you up.”

 

At that moment, Dean realized that Cas’ whole body was shivering and he had dark circles under his usually so beautiful eyes. The blue pair looked exhausted and somehow somber.  
“No. You haven’t been talking to me for two weeks but I can see you’re not okay. I’m not dumb. And I fucking care about you. Please, Cas… talk to me.”, Dean nearly begged for an honest answer.

 

Cas, who had dropped his gaze down to the floor, slowly raised his head to look at Dean. But his eyes didn’t even reach Dean’s face as he spotted something on the hunter’s pillow, that caught his attention. There was a bright blue t-shirt laying on the pillow.

 

“Dean, is that… is that the garment I wore yesterday? I do not understand. Why is it lying on your bed? Shouldn’t it be in the washing machine?”, he slightly tilted his head, regarding Dean with a confused frown.

 

Dean’s face adapted the color of a ripe tomato. Not really knowing what to say, he started to stutter: “Well,… Yeah. Yeah, that’s your shirt, Cas. You know… I…” 

 

It was that moment, that the hunter finally decided to tell Cas about everything that has been on his mind for the last seven weeks. “It really hurt me that you avoided me after coming back to the bunker. All I wanted to do was being near you, living with you and Sammy and talking to you about all the shit that’s been bothering me. I planned on telling you so much… even about my feelings. You know how rare that is. But you didn’t even try to talk to me! I don’t know... I missed you. I needed to be close to you somehow, as you didn’t attempt to get in contact with me. So I’ve been… borrowing some of your clothes. They smell like you and I could pretend that…”, he couldn’t finish his sentence, ended it with an embarrassed chuckle, while not being able to look into Castiel’s eyes.

 

“They smell like me?”, Cas whispered, his eyes wide. “Did you pretend that I was lying next to you in your bed? You... really wanted to be close to me?”

 

“Damn it, Cas! I can’t even describe how much I wanted to. I just… Geez, I realized that I have feelings for you, okay? I really like you. I think I’m probably in love with you. You don’t have to say anything, I just think it’s time for me to finally tell you how I feel. I figured that way you might start to understand how I felt about you leaving. I tried to… I tried to keep you safe. Away from me and Sammy, away from the monsters. Where the chance of you being hurt isn’t as big…”, his words getting more and more quiet the longer he spoke. “Cas I did it to protect you. And I’d say it hurt me as bad as it hurt you… Not being with you was hard, man.” All his sadness, his regret and guilt were visible in his face as his gaze was fixed on his feet.

 

Cas closed the distance between himself and the other man, who was still sitting on the edge of his bed. He slowly put his hand to Deans chin and lifted his face until their eyes met.  
Dean felt as if he couldn’t breathe. In Cas eyes, he could see so much love and affection. He didn’t feel as if he even deserved to see the others gaze. 

 

“Dean, I missed you too. Those weeks were far from being easy for me. I didn’t think that you felt the same way… I thought I was useless, so you just got rid of me.” 

 

“I’d never do that. Cas, I… I love you. You are so damn important to me. Don’t you ever think about yourself like that again! I swear, I will beat your pretty ass if you ever feel useless or unwanted again.” He got up to his feet and pulled Cas into a tight hug, feeling Castiel’s shivering body pressing against his own. Dean let his hands trail over his angels back as he pulled him even closer to his chest.

 

When he finally released the former angel from his bone-crushing hug, Castiel brought his face towards Dean’s, his lips hovering only millimeters over the hunter’s. He felt Dean’s warm breath on his lips as he opened his mouth to talk. “I would like to kiss you, Dean. Would that be okay?”

 

Dean chuckled softly, not planning on answering his friends question as he crushed their lips together. He caught his angles’ lightly chapped lips between his own and let his long fingers skim through Castiel’s dark hair. How long had he dreamed about that simple act? 

 

After the former angel overcame his first surprise, he started moving his lips along with the hunters. Dean was carefully biting down on Cas’ lower lip, provoking a content sigh from the other man. Their first kiss was better than Dean could have ever imagined- and with Cas’ pleased noises he was pretty sure that they felt the same way about it finally happening. Heat was pooling in his chest and a feeling of completeness swept through his whole body. A loving smile formed on his soft lips as he broke away from their kiss, only to peck Castiel’s lips again and again. He gently pushed the other man down onto his bed.

 

“So you wanna talk about the reason for your unexpected appearance in my bedroom? Not that I mind how it turned out…”, Dean grinned as he sat down on his bed too. “We could get more comfortable though.”, he mumbled and pulled Cas down, wrapping his precious angel in his blankets and turning around to face him.

 

“I have been having nightmares about you leaving me for weeks now. Would it be possible for me to stay in your bed tonight? I think that if I can just lie next to you, all these dreams won’t matter anymore.”, Cas simply said, gently putting his hand on Dean’s stubbly cheek.

 

Dean moved closer to the other man and buried his face in the crook of Cas’ neck, inhaling his lovers smell deeply. He brought his face up to Castiel’s again and placed his lips softly on the other’s, whispering against them: “Of course you can stay. Actually, you have to. Please don’t ever leave me again.”

 

“I won’t.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> This is my first fanfic so please bear with me and my story. I really hope that I portrayed Cas and Dean at least a little like they are in the series...
> 
> Also, if you spot any major mistakes (grammar, punctation,...)- I'm sorry! I'm not the best at writing/speaking English.
> 
> Thanks for reading!!
> 
> You can find me on [Tumblr](https://suckerfordeansfreckles.tumblr.com)


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